Reason To Write

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It has happened before and it is going to happen again.

What will my life be without my site and the words I publish here? This has turned into the only place I have where I can rant. A check around all popular sites and I have found that most of them are always cheery, happy and full of fun. People are attracted to joy and happiness. Either those, or one whose author has a foul mouth. Or you can throw in some descriptions of sexual innuendos (complete with photos of parts of your body which can cause sexual arousal), and then sit back, relax and watch as your site meter goes up exponentially.

In contrast, sites like mine, which chronicle the part of life no one wants to revisit or read are nothing but screams into nothingness. Casual surfers (if any at all) who visit will no doubt be appalled by the amount of depressive drivel that gets published here, no matter how sincere those words are and how the author endeavours not to be pretentious. Perhaps I am missing out on the principle of how many others believe that it is harder to see the funny side of life even though things are getting very rough on the edges and therefore, those who can pull it off are deservedly honoured and admired.

Like many issues in life that I am grappling with, being sincere and genuine to people may no longer work in this world. Perhaps I should blame my “Good Citizen” teachers for imparting impractical values to me when I was younger. Perhaps really I should not have taken their teachings wholesale. Perhaps being nice really means that you are opening up yourself to being pushed around. Perhaps being loyal counts for very little in this modern society. Perhaps striving to be truthful in relationships and friendships is a tried and tested way to setting yourself up for disappointment.

There may be some who surfed on over here and came off thinking about whether this bloke called D W is for real. Maybe they deduce me as someone who is on the other end of the XX attention seeking scale. No matter how much I say, nothing can convince anyone about how every word here that I have written in my time here comes straight from my heart. Barring serious grammatical, factual or spelling errors, I have never deleted anything that was published here.

It may still be possible for me to try to be funny, quirky and give casual surfers something interesting to read about. Yet, that may not necessarily be me and that may not come from the deepest parts of my heart or what I really want to say at the moment. As for putting up photos of some parts of my body, I still have enough common sense in me to prevent people from vomiting out their breakfasts, lunches or dinners or whatever meals they just ingested. I also believe that it is not impossible for me to learn how to write like those online celebrities who can certainly entertain and amuse. Yet, the humour that I can offer now is of the self-deprecating kind, which certainly does not go down well with the community. Moreover, I do not consider myself good-looking enough to plaster my fugly face here, there and everywhere (photoshopped or otherwise).

At the end of it, I can indulge in pretense at the expense of being who I really am. Most of all, I struggle now with how I have a voice but it is drowned out by everything else, or that the words are starting to get repetitive and tiresome for those who read it.

And so this is where I will have to leave this as it is and allow the sands of time to cover it. Perhaps, one day when I am no longer depressed and am able to tickle the masses with tales of joy, happiness or any good thing life can bring to a human being, I may return with pleasant accounts and inspiring sentences.

Until then, goodbye.