« Dumbing Down | Main | Infuriating »
June 23, 2005
It's Me Again
.jpg)
It has been a rather slow day at work. Actually things have gone on slowly since last evening when I attended a prayer meeting that got me cocking my eyebrows on more than one occasion. There were no fleeting emotions for me to try to grab hold of or anything like that. In fact, I started to see how I had decided to crawl back into my hermit’s cave once again, shunning any contact with familiar faces. So, I went from one pew to another, hoping that I would not be sticking out from the crowd. Somehow it backfired and my hope for a relatively uneventful and quiet evening faded faster than one can utter the word “love”.
In other news, the same old routine was threatening to set in once again. Offers to people whom I thought had no issues with catching a movie together were rejected, leaving me twiddling my thumbs over the prospect of watching films like Batman Begins on my own. Even as the Star Wars craze is starting to die down, I must be one of the rare few on this island who has yet to catch the “most widely anticipated” movie “of the year”.
In other words, I am dateless once again.
***
Vicious Cycle
Sometimes I wonder if I am constantly catching myself in a chicken-and-egg situation. Due to the frequent occasions when I shunned opportunities to indulge in small talks or social events which I deemed as tedious, I might have come across as someone who was arrogant or aloof, when actually, I was not really a social butterfly by nature. Perhaps this is the key reason for my dateless status.
Perhaps I should get out more often. Perhaps I should toss that cocoon away and start learning how to transform myself into a social butterfly.
Or rather, an obese social butterfly…
***
Memory Trigger
Consider this snooping around, but I decidedly visited the lovebirds’ Friendster sites and peered through their profiles as well as testimonies. The bloke went on the sweet route by leaving his lovey-dovey appraisal of their relationship in the gal’s testimony section. Their first-month milestone, Valentine’s Day, fifth-month together… the bloke would pen his sweetnothings in her testimony section and she would publish it for the entire world (or rather I, at that moment) to see. While many others I chanced upon had only their own photos on their profile page, photos of both of them (some were their comedic mug shots) adorned their respective profiles. Complete with their numerous supper trips together and the way both of them held hands while praying last evening, they were totally immersed in the sweet blessings when love arrived on their doorsteps.
I was once in love too. In fact, I was very much in love. Although Friendster was not even in alpha stage then, I would think twice about leaving my choicest of sweet words on places where the whole wide world could get access to. We had our first date at Fast Eddys’, where I popped the question on one cold wintry night. My heart was beating fast as I drove her down to Fremantle. I felt nervous and excited at the same time, while for her, my relative silence triggered her suspicions but because things were mutual then, she played along. That night sparked off a trail of late-night supper dates and the exchange of letters and cards to each other. On occasions when she had exams or was tied up with essays, I would roll up my sleeves and cook up a dinner for her. I remembered the many trips to her student flat in my A$500 red and rusted 1981 Toyota Corolla, in summer as well as winter. On the day of my departure back to Singapore, she bought me a packet of sugarfree ZoneE sweets, which I kept with me way beyond its expiry date…
Now, when I looked at the lovebirds, I could not help but remind myself of the good old times. Sometimes, I would look on forlornly, wondering when, if ever, love would arrive on my doorstep once again and my heart would beat twice as fast. Yet, sometimes, I would just smile at their shy exchange of glances and the innocence of their love for each other.
***
Short Story: The Last Night
He sat there looking out to the sea, while there she lied, on his lap with her locks of straight slightly brownish hued hair flaying to the directions of the sea breeze. Both of them were thinking, though not necessarily the same thoughts. They centered around a common theme mostly.
It was to be his final night there. Tomorrow, he would walk through the boarding gates and would be separated from her for at least the next 2 years. This was not the scenario he planned for when he first landed on this strange and foreign land which was to be his temporal home for three years…
It was to be his final night with me, her mind reminded her once again. Even as she traced a heart with her finger on his dark blue Levis jeans, she wondered when it would be the next time both of them could be this close to each other. She knew that the coming days, weeks, months or even years would be extremely tough and they would be filled with pinings, long waits and the huge dependency on technology to keep things going. She wondered how they, and in particular she, would cope with the distance and the lack of proximity.
It was a quiet evening by the lake. Since dusk was many hours ago, not many people were there and certainly many would have preferred many other places to romance than by the side of the lake. Yet, this place was special to them because it was here where he first popped the question which caused her heart to beat. They had their dates here. They had their picnics here. She got her first kiss from him here and it was here also that she first allowed him to clasp his hands around hers.
The moon was their sole witness of their final night together. For about an hour already, they barely exchanged a word with each other and preferred the sounds of the cicadas to words. They had neither glasses of red wine tonight, nor fine cheddar cheese. There were no baskets of fruit or a box of pizza. They had no candles to light up the moment. They just had each other and that frankly was good enough for them.
She felt movement and soon enough, his hands landed gently on her head and they started caressing his hair. From looking out and admiring the tranquility of this precious moment, she closed her eyes slowly and drank in every aspect of this greedily. She knew and felt loved.
He had no idea when he could feel her fine hair and its scent again. Not in the immediate future, he knew and it brought a tinge of sadness, which many lovers doomed for separation would be well-acquainted with. Then, he felt her stirring a little and he looked down, only to see her fish out something from her bag. It was an envelope and the bright moonlit night allowed him to make out his name with her handwriting on it. He gazed on her face and was greeted by a smile.
Gently, he took the envelope from her hands. Feeling it, he knew that it contained a card... A precious and priceless piece of paper for him… One which he would be carrying as part of his luggage back home… One which he would be inclined to display at a prominent spot as a reminder of her love for him…
He squeezed her body a little tighter.
She reached her arms out and wrapped them around his torso.
Together, they embraced once again… in each other’s arms.
Posted by D W at June 23, 2005 05:34 PM
Comments
"Perhaps I should get out more often. Perhaps I should toss that cocoon away and start learning how to transform myself into a social butterfly."
I have said as much to myself, possibly as many times. But it's hard, isn't it, when it's just so far the opposite of the inclinations of your personality?
Posted by: C at June 23, 2005 06:51 PM
C, you hit the nail on me head. :)
Posted by: D W at June 24, 2005 11:17 AM