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March 23, 2005
Regrets and... er... Regrets
D W’s Ten Biggest Regrets of his Life
(in ascending order)
(10) Not being the best soldier during BMT
(9) Not topping the class during school days
(8) Not doing academically well enough to get top academic honours
(7) Falling in love
(6) Crossing the line
(5) Being certified officially mad
(4) Not being diagnosed with terminal illness
(3) Having yet to find enough courage / guts to die
(2) Having to live a life he constantly despises
(1) Coming into this world involuntarily
***
Being someone who has achieved nothing in life and having very little amount of money in the bank (which means that he cannot afford to have a car, condo, enough cash, country club membership, career and other Cs), there is no need for D W to approach a legal-eagle to write out a will. However, he is still thinking about whether he should leave some last words to those whom he cares about just in case things get the better of him.
D W does not want to leave just like that, without using words to convey his last thoughts to people and friends around him. He wants to have a proper closure with regards to his relationship with them. He loves them more than he loves himself and the only reason why he is attempting to live is to hang on. Hanging on means that he will have means to provide for his family for another day, though he receives his pay cheque only once every month.
In another world and another universe, he would be more than happy to compose ditties and poems (that rhymes) when leaving behind his legacy to these people. Yet, because he is such an inept person, this D W can only use prose, sometimes badly composed prose.
In another world and another universe, D W would rather not exist. Even if he does, perhaps he will be just another young upstart who is raveling because he found his oyster in this beautiful world. He will be going to his very own room in the office after driving a convertible to work. When he leaves work after yet another productive day, he will be going back to his million-dollar mansion to meet his lovely wife who will have also gotten off work at the same time. They will sit down to a simple dinner and talk about where they should go for their next travel destination or whether they should spend the weekend by the crystal-clear blue sea.
When D W wakes up every morning, dreams and thoughts about another world and universe disappears immediately. He finds himself dreading the thoughts about how he will be dragging his feet to his cramped cell at work, where he will spend the rest of the day writing minutes and doing powerpoint slides. The day will also make him worry about how pathetic his resume will look and how the prospect of being a graduate roadsweeper in ten years time is getting closer to reality by the day.
Of course, he knows all too well about how if you have no money, you will have no honey.
So D W thinks about whether he should be a chronic 4D or Toto buyer. If he gets lucky, then he can leave all the money to the ones who gave him life and leave. They are the reasons why he is hanging on.
D W also remembers the day when he staggered into the clinic and told the rather bemused and tired-looking doctor about his intentions. D W believes that the doctor must be thinking why he would have such a weird case sitting in front of him. D W thought it was a bit of a joke also, but since he believed that life would get better for him after crossing the line, he played along with it. A year later, D W will reward himself with a smirk whenever he recalls this very scene. This little adventure has turned out to be the one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
-Truncated-
Posted by D W at March 23, 2005 09:49 AM